What Is It?
by Avadrea
Summary: They just couldn't figure it out. What was Sesshoumaru's mokomoko? WARNING This is a VERY silly story. MA for later Chapters. Beware Thar may be lemons ahead!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own InuYasha or the characters. They belong to their creator Rumiko Takahashi . It was created purely for enjoyment and is not being used to make any money.

A/N: I ask for your forgiveness in advance. This is just a complete crack fanfic made out of horror and humor. My first fanfic please be kind.

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What Is It Ch.1: That Is This Sesshoumaru's...

"What do you mean 'what is _it_?'" Sango tilted her head in reaction to Kagome's question.

"Well you're a demon slayer right?" She probed looking down at her hands a little embarrassed by her own curiosity. "Don't you know what it is?"

Sango tapped a finger against the side of her jaw as she thought. "Well I've never seen one before so I don't know. I just always assumed it was simply part of his armor."

The two women both cast a quick, furtive glance over towards the subject of their current discussion. The demon lord either didn't notice or was choosing to ignore them as he continued to stare off into the night. The pristine white fur that had aroused their curiosity draped over his shoulder to lay with deceiving innocence in his lap. Kagome watched as his clawed fingers moved slowly through the soft looking mass gasping slightly when it twitched.

"No_ it's _attached to him." Kagome tore her eyes away from the snowy mystery. "I've seen him in his true form and he had it then too."

"Maybe it is just more of his fur." Miroku decided to join the discussion. Apparently Kagome's curiosity was contagious. "Perhaps it is something akin to a mane. I have once had the chance to see a horse youkai in human form. He did have a mane all the way down his spine. "

Sango nodded in agreement as if that was a very probable answer to their conundrum but Kagome shook her head. "No that can't be it either. I'm certain that it's some sort of limb. I mean… " She flushed softly looking into the fire. "It MOVES."

"WHAT?" Sango and Miroku both stared at her in surprise.

Kagome fidgeted under their stares and turned an even deeper shade of rouge. "It… touched me." She confessed unable to look at them. Touched really wasn't the right word. Fondled, groped, invaded her personal space intimately, those where much more fitting descriptions of what the strange furry appendage had done. But the poor priestess didn't really want to bring up any of those words since she was sure even IF the "cursed" monk didn't do anything untoward, just hearing such things spoken aloud would cause Sango to react with a well honed instinct and Kagome was beginning to worry about the long term health of the monk's brain and its future ability to function properly.

"THAT BASTARD TOUCHED YOU WITH _IT_!" Kagome jumped in surprise at the thick rage in InuYasha's voice as he stormed over to crouch next to her. His brilliant yellow eyes seemed to glow with anger. "Don't EVER let him touch you with _IT _again! You got that? NEVER!"

"It's not like I LET _it _touch me!" Kagome shot back irritated at the hint of blame in her friend's words before her own eyes narrowed in realization. "You know what _it_ is don't you?" she accused crossing her arms.

The anger instantly fled from his eyes and his red face paled to a sickly white. "Keh. I aint sayin nothin." The inu hanyou grumbled as he plopped down next to Kagome.

"So you do know what Sesshoumaru-sama's interesting artifact is my friend." Miroku pursed the question despite his friends warning look.

"I told ya. I aint sayin nothin. " InuYasha huffed crossing his arms. "Trust me ya don't wanna know anyway. And you.." He turned back to Kagome. "I mean it. Don't let him touch ya with it ever again. It's bad enough HE's always touchin it."

"I don't see what the bid deal is. I mean he touched you with it to!" It was Kagome's turn to huff as she glared at the grumpy half-demon. "Remember back at your father's tomb. He grabbed you with it and…"

Kagome lost her voice at the sudden look on her best friends face. It was a twisted look of horror, disgust, and anger. In a moment he had leapt to his feet and was shaking an angry fist at her. "Don't EVER mention that again! EVER!" In a flash he was gone. The only sign that he had taken refuge in the branches of a nearby tree was his cross growling and grumbling about stupid ningen joshi.

The silence that followed seemed to last for hours until suddenly it was broken by the high-pitched chirp from the fox kit. "Maybe it's his tail!" Shippo reignited the debate as he tugged on his own bushy appendage.

"Do you really think his tail would be THAT long?" Sango rejoined with a curious tilt to her head. "It's awful long and flexible for a dog's tail."

Kagome frowned thoughtfully as she twirled a blade of grass between her fingers. "Maybe it's some form of parasitic demon that has attached itself to him and feeds off his demonic energy." After all what could there be about _it _that was so horrifying and disgusting to InuYasha.

She heard Sango snort in derision at the very idea and couldn't help but laugh at her own outrageous theory. "Yeah your right." She conceded. "Like Lord Fluffy Butt would let some parasite dare violate his noble, perfect body."

Her three fireside companions went a little pale and cast worried glances towards the relaxing Killing Perfection at the less than honorable title Kagome had just casually bestowed upon him. He remained either ignorant or stoutly disinterested in the human discussion.

Sighing Kagome threw her hands up in the air. "That's it! I give up. There is only one way we will ever know." With that she got to her feet and to her companions' horror marched right up to the seemingly ignorant Taiyoukai.

She cleared his throat only to roll her eyes a few moments later when he continued to ignore her standing before him. Kagome decided that to get what she wanted from the arrogant demon she would have to try her best to be as direct as she could. He did not seem to like it when someone, especially a human, wasted his time. Taking a deep breath she dove in bravely.

"Lord Sesshoumaru. I don't mean to bother you but I would be very honored if you would answer a question I have."

His eyes turned to her face regarding her with his cold uninterested stare. She had his attention at least. After a moment of regarding her, his silver eyebrow rose just a little and she translated that as Sesshoumaru for 'Ask your question and be done with it before I rip off your head annoying female.'

She nodded and cleared her throat. Before she could think of a good way to phrase her curiosity the words just tumbled from her mouth. "What is that?" She flinched as she looked down at her own finger jabbing in the air towards the nestled fur in his lap. He mother had taught her it was rude to point, she really had. Hopefully she would come away from this with her delicate finger still attached to her stupid body.

Slowly his eyes dropped to look down at the soft white fur she was pointing at then lifted back up to meet her eyes. His expression remained calm and unchanged and for a few moments she didn't think he would answer as his clawed hands continued to stroke lightly through said fur. "_That_'" he finally intoned with a callous casualness. "Is this Sesshoumaru's penis. "

Kagome felt her whole being go completely frozen with shock as his golden eyes continued to stare unwaveringly into her own. There was no hint of mischief or humor. Not the slightest twist of sarcasm. No he was not joking, not in the least. It was indeed his..

Distantly a part of her mind realized that her mouth was hanging open and she closed it with a resounding click of her teeth. Minutes passed or maybe it was hours and she opened her mouth again thinking to say something in rebuttal. When no sound escaped her throat she snapped it closed again before spinning on her heal to walk with a stunned gait back to the silent group around the fire.

The other members of her group didn't even look at her. All sets of white rimmed eyes were staring at the taiyoukai who, in turn, sat completely ignoring their collective gaze as he continued to stare off into the forest lazily stroking his… 'thing'.

"I told ya, ya didn't wanna to know." InuYasha groused from up in the tree.

Kagome's eyes widened, his voice finally breaking her out of her shock. Her cheeks suddenly flooded with a brilliant shade of red as her mind made quick stumbling conclusion and flooded her with certain memories. That is when she screamed in a dawning horror.

"_**IT**_' touched me!"

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A/N: This is what evil results from my friends and I discussing the mysterious of the universe at 3 in the morning. And yes Sessy's Mokomoko is one of the greatest mysteries of the universe.

I SOOO do not want to think about Jaken clinging to Sesshy's… thing.

OK ok.. one can say Sesshy misunderstood what Kagome was pointing at since mokomoko was in his lap… heheh

All the theory's brought up (other than the penis) where ones that I had read on a forum discussing Mokomoko, including the parasitic demon theory.

Also I am looking for a possible correction. I has seen people use the word onnas (plural) for women in fanfics but when I look it up it is joshi dose anyone know which would be correct? I am going to go with joshi since I don't think the Japanese language pluralizes words the way we do.

Terms:

Ningen: human

Joshi: women

Taiyoukai: demon lord, great demon, high demon

Youkai: demon

Inu: dog

Hanyou: half-demon

Special thanks: Liz and Amanda for the 3am debate that sparked this. A second thanks to Amanda for betaing my story.


	2. Chapter 2

What Is It?

Chapter 2: Miko Session

Disclaimer: I don't own InuYasha or the characters. They belong to their creator Rumiko Takahashi. It was created purely for enjoyment and is not being used to make any money.

Kagome was being pushed to the very edge of her patience. 'It' was officially driving her insane. The situation had been bad enough before, but that was before she knew what 'it' was and now that she had this knowledge 'it' had become unbearable.

Even worse was that he didn't seem to be doing anything about 'it'. Who would have thought Sesshoumaru, Mister "Touch-me-and-you-will-lose-the-offending-appendage" didn't have any such qualms about touching HER! In fact, it seemed that in regards to the miko he was obsessively "touchy feely".

She was given absolutely no reprieve from the constant fuzzy caressing and fondling. The sneak attacks were unending no matter how much she complained, begged, or screamed. Even her companions had tried to intercede unsuccessfully; their attempts to help her avoid the unwanted attention only seemed to add heat to the fire. Kagome theorized the reason was that by confronting him over the issue they had made it no longer necessary for him to hide his "attentions" and thus he was free to be blatantly obvious with his less than honorable gestures. It seemed as if it was open season on the miko and Sesshoumaru had a license to defile.

Miroku's persuasions fell on deaf ears, Sango's threats were met with a smirk and InuYasha's blustering seemed to be taken as a challenge. The groping was always much more frequent and intimate after one of the hanyou's tantrums which usually consisted of swearing and waving his sword around wildly at nothing in particular.

In the end they had all given up. Miroku called it a "strategic retreat" and said he had hopes that by ignoring the behavior it might take away the temptation for it to continue. "Ignoring it until it goes away" had proved to be about as effective of a plan as it sounded.

After weeks of trying to be reasonable, Kagome decided that the best way of dealing with a giant, furry penis was through pure avoidance. However, this was easier said than done since the damn thing was over ten feet long. It was almost impossible to maintain a safe "anti-Sesshoumaru" radius at all times and still go on with her daily routine. Hell, there was not a single shred of her daily routine left anymore. 'It' had destroyed any semblance of normalcy in her life.

Huffing, Kagome sat back from her evening chore of tending to a simmering pot of rabbit stew and rested her head on her knees wishing she could back away as easily from her frantic thoughts. Today she had been able to maintain her anti-grope perimeter almost flawlessly. That is, unless you were to count mid afternoon when they had stopped to drink from a stream only for her to tumble in after the now familiar soft tickle of 'it' moved over her backside and UNDER her skirt… Okay, that definitely counted as a breech.

Still, she couldn't celebrate her success with any amount of jubilation. Successful avoidance during the day meant aggressive pursuance during the night. Sesshoumaru was anything if not thorough. She was certain that he would be determined to make up for all the opportunities she had denied him during the day the moment she could no longer escape him. To his sick mind he probably even thought he was being attentive.

Kagome cast a suspicious look towards the resting taiyoukai. He looked completely innocent. Well, as innocent as a killing machine in repose can look. He was leaning with his back against a tree, a blank and relaxed expression on his face as his fingers stroked threw the soft fur of her current advisory. 'It' was in his lap, where it belonged. As if sensing her gaze upon him, the corner of his mouth lifted just slightly in the merest shadow of a smirk, the thick furry appendage twitching and slithering in his grip in response to her attention. Gasping she looked away quickly. Kagome knew whatever that small smile meant that it couldn't be good.

Clenching the large wooden spoon in her hand tighter, Kagome stared with deep concentration at the pot and its burbling contents. Dinner, she would focus on dinner and not pay any attention to him or 'it'. She didn't want him to take any misconstrued encouragement by thinking he was gaining her attention through such lecherous means. No, she would completely ignore him and focus on….

Kagome yelped as something infuriatingly soft tickled her knee, brushing ever so slightly over her skin causing a jolt to run up her spine. "Oh no you don't!" Kagome threatened, waving the wooden spoon at her furry visitor as it pulled back rearing away from her skin as if cowed for a moment. "Don't even THINK about it buster!"

The furry appendage didn't seem concerned over her snarled remark. How could it? After all it was just a thing, a furry inappropriate body part.

"Now get! Go back to where you belong!"

'Great,' Kagome thought feeling her eyebrow twitch, 'now I know I've lost it. I'm talking to a penis.'

Despite her distress, the appendage moved to obey. Sadly, their opinions on where it belonged were in stark and disconcerting contrast. Kagome let out a yelp that was both horrified and enraged as the slithering fluff dove under the hem of her skirt to snake its way swiftly up her thighs. She fell back on her heels in a desperate attempt to scoot back in panic feeling the tip probe against the front of her cotton panties.

The intrepid appendage pursued its goal, tenaciously unaffected by her shrieks of indignity or flailing limbs. A gasp tore from her throat as she felt it nudge against the barrier of her under garments, intimately tracing against delicate sensitive flesh that quivered in response. More terrifying than the vulgar touch was her body's sudden heated reaction to it. Kagome felt as if she had been in a hot spring for hours before being thrown into a snow bank. Her skin was prickling with a burning intensity as heated blood rushed through her veins with sudden alarming speed.

'No' a panicked scream echoed in her head. 'No no no no no NO!' She was NOT going to feel this way! Not due to her furry invader! Tightening her grip on her only "weapon," Kagome brought the wooden spoon down in a mighty, desperate swing.

THWAP!

Everything came to a sudden, chilling halt. The aggressive rubbing against her neither region ended instantly, leaving her thighs shivering slightly as if displeased with the sudden loss of the warmth between them. Her assailant was gone. That thought, however, held no relief for the suddenly tense woman. Looking down at the improvised weapon in her hand a horrific realization was dawning upon her. She had STRUCK Sesshoumaru. No, it was worse. She had DARED to strike Sesshoumaru's manhood! Kagome realized with a sinking heart that she was so very, very dead.

Slowly, with her breath caught in her lungs in trepidation, her eyes lifted to meet narrowed gold. A soft growl rumbled across the distance towards her blossoming from the taiyouki's chest. His gazed locked hers, denying her any escape.

The breath she was holding escaped in a sudden rush of terror as her heart rapidly came back to life, racing with a desperate beat. It was not the growl of rage she had been expecting and the fire in his eyes was not the flames that promised death. No this was much worse, much more frightening.

The sound was one of lustful hunger. She should have known all along. After all, it should not have been a surprise that the aristocratic assassin liked it rough.

A/N: My Dokuga buddy Vevly is to blame for the continuation of this insanity. So if you want to thank someone for this spawn of evil it would be her. She was very very persistent. ^_^

Special thanks to my beta Crescent Dreams ^^

Terms:

Miko – priestess

Taiyouki – demon lord, great demon, high demon, sexy demon (just kidding)

Penis – a part of the male anatomy (^_^)


	3. Chapter 3

Why did it have to happen? Everything had been so wonderful, so perfect just a breath ago. Why did she have to wake up? She fought against it, struggling to cling to the nice warm fuzzy vagueness of sleep. But whatever was pulling her from the cotton ball coziness of her dreams would not be denied. Kagome shoved against the impending wakefulness with a last stubborn effort, nuzzling her face into the soft warmth of Buyo's fur. His fur tickled her cheek in an almost tender caress causing her to tighten her arms around the cat pulling him closer, mumbling softly against the lazily shifting mass. It twitched and seemed to shiver against her face as her warm breath brushed over it drawing a rumbling purr from close by.

Something warm coiled around her waist and tightened embracing her tenderly causing a confused frown to knit her brow. Her hand absently stroked down the soft fuzziness burying her fingers into the warmth to lightly rub Buyou's side. The responding purr became louder but she couldn't feel it vibrating against her chest like she should. Instead it seemed distant as if coming from some place beside her.

Whimpering softly as a strange sense of wrongness crumbled the last of her will to stay asleep Kagome finally relented and allowed her eyes to open. She blinked once, than again as her brain took in the pure shimmering white fur lying beside her on her pillow, gleaming like snow in the moon light.

As reality began to slowly dawn on the sleep addled miko the first thoughts in her head tumbled out of her mouth. "Not.. Buyo…" Her fingers tensed and twitched where they were buried deep in the soft white fluff, her eyes growing wide in horror. She knew WHAT this thing was. In the last few days she had become VERY familiar with the audacious intruder.

How dare he? Wasn't it bad enough that 'it' was constantly attacking her while she was awake! Now it was slipping it's evil diabolical self into her sleeping bag and cuddling up as close as it pleased. Kadome's cheeks turned a violent shade of red as her mind flashed images of all the things the errant penis could have done to her while she was unconscious.

Not only had the dastardly member slipped into bed with her while she was sleeping, but it had made itself quite at home snuggling tightly around her as if holding her in an intimate embrace. She could feel its radiating warmth pressed intimately between her thighs before it curled around her waist to slip under the front of her night shirt. The soft fur tickled her belly and the sensitive flesh where it nestled between her breasts. She glared at the lazily swaying tip that peeked out of the neckline of her shirt to join her head on her pillow. If 'it' thought it was welcome, 'it' had another thing coming.

"Miko," A deep rumble drew her attention away from the twitching appendage in her grip. "What is a Buyo?"

Slowly she pushed the flicking furry tip out of her face letting out a soft eep of surprise to find his brilliant gold eyes so close to her own. Sometime during the night he must have moved from his customary place against a tree and had lain down beside her. He was lounging causally on his side, his chin resting lazily in his hand as he watched her. Every instinctive warning light built into her was going off flashing at her desperately. He was a predator; he was near and closing in.

"Damn it Sesshoumaru!" she hissed between clenched teeth not daring to raise her voice above a whisper in case she woke her companions. "Get your penis out of my face."

One corner of his mouth turned upwards in the shadow of a smirk as the tip of his 'thing' playfully flicked her on the nose tickling her with its soft fur. "Why should I do that little one?" His voice sound almost like a purr as he leaned in closer with his patented bored expression on his face.

Kagome glared back at him her hand lightly batting at the fuzzy invader and pretended not to notice the low purring growl that rumbled through his chest. "Because it doesn't belong in my bed." She snapped back struggling to keep her voice level. Oh how she wanted to scream at him but she got the sinking feeling that was what he wanted, even if it was in a different way entirely.

"I believe you are mistaken little miko." Instead of the normal liquid smoothness his voice had a rough, almost feral, edge. "It is you who are not where you belong."

"What is that suppose to mean." Kagome huffed once again brushing aside the flicking fuzzy that seemed to delight in assaulting her cheek. "This is MY sleeping bag. If anyone or anything belongs in it, it's me."

His chuckle sent a shiver down her spine. "You will learn your place eventually miko." He reassured her dropping his voice to a low growling whisper as he leaned in closer. "Until then, I will just have to put up with you."

She sputtered in shock at the pure arrogance of the man. "Put up with me?" She swallowed a cry of aggravation. "I'm not the one molesting you every chance I get!"

"Pity." His lips where so close she could almost feel them brush over hers as he spoke. His warm breath fanned over her face. A familiar scent teased her senses, warm and spicy like cinnamon blended with a hint of sweetness. Somewhere in the back of her mind was the tickle of a memory, there was something she should remember about this scent. Something important, but it was too difficult to think with his firm lips so close to her own.

Her gaze darted down to his mouth her mind reeling as it tried to make sense of his closeness. He couldn't meant to… he wouldn't want to.. His lips parted slightly as the fur around her drew her closer. She let out a small sound of surprise as she pulled back suddenly lifting what she had in her hands up between them barring his advance with his naughty member. She heard him let out a small snort. "You're being difficult."

"Your insane" she countered hiding her face in the soft fur. She couldn't believe she was willingly ear deep in the fur of his cock but better that than face this Sesshoumaru. A small annoying thought tickled the back of her brain making her very aware of how warm and soft the fur was. It almost begged to be stroked and fondled. Kagome crushed such evil little whispers by reminding her errant psyche exactly WHAT it was she had gripped in her hands.

A shudder ran through her body as cool sharp talons traced harmlessly down the skin of her shoulders. Her heart fluttered at images of rent flesh and melted stone flashed threw her mind. He would never hurt her now; she knew that with a confidence so unshakable that it frightened her more than the threat of being liquefied. Careful claws took hold of her wrists and pulled her hands down slowly removing the security of her fluffy shelter.

"I can assure you miko, EVERY part of me is functioning perfectly." His warm palm cupped her jaw to turn her head tilting it slightly. Golden eyes watched as he traced his thumb slowly over her lips drawing a small gasp from between them. "Shall I demonstrate?"

"TESTICALES!"

Sesshoumaru's entire body went stiff against hers as the high-pitched cry suddenly broke the muffled quite of the slumbering camp. The warm fur around her tightened possessively and then it was gone along with the taiyoukai.

Kagome sat up in her bedding trying to gather her tangled nerves only to be knocked back by a barreling ball of fur. Her arms wound instinctively around Shippo as he snuggled against her seeking comfort. "MAMA! MAMA! There were TESTICALES EVERY WHERE!"

"Testicales?" blinking owlishly Kagome tried to make sense of the frightened kits words.

The kitsune looked up at her with big watery eyes. "Naraku was after me. It was dark and I was all alone. And everywhere I looked his testicales where reaching for me!"

"Shippo, you mean.. tentacles, right?"

"Yeah, his testicales."


End file.
